I have the privilege of teaching my last born how to drive this summer. She is sixteen and not terribly motivated to learn, most likely because she is the baby and there are plenty of people around to give her rides, and she is still afraid of all the responsibility. We don’t want to force her before she’s ready, but when she wants to go someplace she now has to drive the two of us. Yesterday was one of those times, and I found myself saying little reminders like,’stay in your lane’ and ‘use you signals’. It’s hard for me to remember that she doesn’t automatically know these things, surely she has heard them with her siblings over the years, but its not fair to assume this.
After dropping off my girl and driving away I was thinking about the words I had just been saying, and how they apply to our marriages. I talk to so many women who are wrapped up in the sin of their husbands; looking only at his behaviors and making judgments about their hearts. It can be difficult to stay in our own lane sometimes, but if we don’t an accident can surely happen. Ladies, it is not our job to be our husbands’ Holy Spirit. Stay in your own lane.
Another way that we get ourselves in trouble is with a lack of communication, assuming our men know and understand what we want. If we refuse to use our signals, clearly communicating our needs and directions, we cannot get upset when a crash happens. Our men cannot read our minds, and we don’t really want them to, except when it’s convenient for us. Talk about your expectations and hopes, even if it feels like he doesn’t listen. Experienced drivers look for and respond to signals without even realizing it. Use your signals.
I am confident that my girl will become a competent driver when the time is right, and very soon won’t need to have her Mom sit next to her, pointing out all the details of driving and she is going to love the independence that comes with being a driver. Soon it will become second nature, as long as she follows the rules of the road. Marriage can be similar, at first it can feel foreign to communicate so much, to know someone so well and yet not be responsible for their behaviors, but with time and practice, it can become natural and even quite enjoyable.