There was a time in my marriage when I expected my husband to read my mind. We were one flesh, right? So he must know how I feel without me needing to explain and of course he knows what I want based on my subtle hints and clues….ha! Over and over again I would get mad/frustrated/resentful because he didn’t respond the way I wanted; the right gift in the wrong color, trying to fix my problem when I just wanted him to listen, misreading my need for a hug with a desire for more.
I decided to try something truly innovative – I communicated what I wanted. I had my eye on a baker’s rack in a catalog, and an open wall in the kitchen where I wanted it to go. We couldn’t afford the piece immediately, so a few weeks before Christmas I tore out the picture, circled the color I wanted and taped it to the wall where I envisioned it sitting. You know what happened? I got exactly what I wanted!
My husband loves to give me what I want, these days I have to be careful with my words because if I like something he will try his best to get it for me. I’m not sure why I thought he should ‘just know’ what I needed, like that was the sign of a good marriage. I owe it to my guy to be honest with him when something is bothering me, instead of playing a game and then resenting him for not following my rules.
After many years our communication has improved, and our marriage has too. Maybe we’re on to something…
Jennifer, thanks for this great post. As one of the guys, I will confirm that we don’t do well in reading subtle hints and clues. We operate better with “hit me between the eyes” directness. Sometimes we even need you to draw us a picture. We can do better at focusing and truly listening (eye contact!). Our desire is to serve, to make happy, to bless and to love. But we need help understanding what that looks like.
Thanks for the insight, instead of wishing we were more alike, we really need to appreciate the differences and respond accordingly.
Glad you stopped by today! Welcome to the world of blogging – I always love to find fellow Bravehearts along the way.
Your heart for your husband and for God who created you both are evident in your words. What a blessing.
Have a lovely weekend!
Thanks for the kind words! I read some of your work for the first time today and really enjoyed it, and plan to go back for more.
i’m not sure it ever gets “easy,” per se, but it certainly gets easier! i am a terrible gift giver myself. Caused my wife to cry on her birthday on year. 🙂 Thanks for your honesty. i am always feel enlightened and pleasantly reminded by your writing and this post is no exception.
I agree about the lack of ease, I think the important thing is that you’re still trying! For some reason we women look at gifts through several lenses that were never meant to be there by the giver, very frustrating for all! Thanks for the continued encouragement!