For a long time, I thought that sex was a cat and mouse game played by husband and wife. I’m not sure where I got this idea, but it seemed to me that it was the man’s job to chase the woman around the kitchen, flirting and persisting, until the woman became worn down enough to give him what he wanted. Seriously.
During the first few years of marriage, I was always suspicious about my guy’s motives; I knew he was willing to help with cleaning the house because he wanted one thing and I didn’t want him to think that he had outsmarted me, or had gotten away with something. Now I think back to that time and respond with: so what? Is that a bad thing, that he wanted you so much that he was willing to do whatever it took to get you?
Women, we seem to think that his desire is our burden. We often view sex as an obligation, when it could be seen as an invitation. Men need sex in order to feel loved. What if your guy was simply trying to show you he loves you the best way he knows how? Instead of trying to teach him to view sex the way you do (needing love in order to desire sex), why not allow him to show you just how much he loves you?
Drop the suspicions, the accusations and shaming. Assume that what he really wants is you. It really could be that simple, if we will just allow it.
It’s so sad that there are women who look upon their husbands desire for them as an inconvenient truth when it as God designed it. I realize wives want to feel known and needed by their husbands before they are comfortable with being sexually wanted by them, but they need to understand that sex is the natural and God created way we feel loved by and connected to them.
As crass and self-serving as it may sound to you wives, the more sex we men have on a consistent basis, the stronger that connection continues to grow. What is “more?” That is up to a wife and her husband to figure out. I do suggest you begin with his number if he is the high desire mate. Once he begins to know his desire will be consistently and reliably met, he will find a number that is likely less than his initial deprivation-created number. Yes, he’s likely feeling deprived. When you know you will not have to worry about going hungry at times, you don’t worry about when will food be available again. You know it will be there when you need or want it. Most men think they want/need sex daily whether they have ever had it that way or not. I remember trying to make a baby the first time around and working within the optimal biological times. Who would have thought sex could become work? Now? Really? Okay, let’s go. Seriously. it became like that. Who’da thunk it?
Then again, she may find the increased connection to her liking; see that the increased sex is driving it, and up her number. Is normal 2-3 times a week? If that’s what you both become comfortable with it is. If you agree to something else, that’s your normal. Don’t concern yourself with anyone else’s normal.
It’s not unusual for a wife to shame her guy for his desire, making him feel like a sicko for desiring this gift from God! There is a secular book called 40 Beads that I recommend to women often, the premise is gifting your spouse with 40 sexual opportunities at their request, a very powerful exercise!
You could not hit the bullseye more perfectly.
Thanks for saying so!