Do unto others as you would have done to you. Luke 6:31
I used to get upset with my husband because it felt like he didn’t consider me. If he was getting something to drink, he would rarely offer me one, and I often felt like my opinion really didn’t matter much to him on many levels. I licked my wounds for years and played the victim, dramatically jumping up to get my own drink or bulldozing my thoughts onto him without being asked. It didn’t work.
I began to pray that my husband would change. Sigh….it’s embarrassing now, but I prayed that he would become more thoughtful and less self-centered. I don’t remember how long it took, I’d like to say seconds, but it was probably months, but I suddenly realized that I never did the things for my guy that I was accusing him of neglecting for me! And actually, when I was really honest, he took much better care of me than I did of him.
My prayer changed to being more thoughtful and less self-centered myself, as well as letting go of the victim mentality and the idea that I deserved better. I started to do little things, like ask my guy if he needed anything while I was getting up and asking for his ideas on issues and situations I didn’t think he would be concerned about. I was amazed to learn that he had some really strong opinions, and suddenly we were trying to out-serve each other! Years later, we consult each other regularly on big and small things and try to honor the others’ opinion because we see with very different eyes.
My point is that the Golden Rule really does work, and if you’re self-righteously accusing your spouse of something, make sure you’re not guilty of the same offense or worse. Do a little experiment, giving whatever it is that you wish you were receiving. You just might be pleasantly surprised.
Good perspective! It’s easy to fall into that trap in marriage, I think.
Thanks for reading. And congrats on your new site, it looks great!
Love the way you handled that! It made me think of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s a must have for married couples because you both take a “test” that will tell what your love language is…quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, or physical touch. Then it explains how to “speak” your spouse’s language. So many times we tend to give what we want to get back in a marriage. But often we need different things to feel loved and appreciated. This book will solve that problem and start the conversation of giving what your spouse needs, which may not necessarily be what you need. Trust me it’s a must read!
I agree, it’s a great resource!
Thanks for this reminder. I needed it today!
Thank you for reading!