My guy and I were sitting on some large rocks, drinking in the beauty of the Mediterranean Sea. The sun was starting to set and couples were coming near with food and drink and blankets to watch the last few minutes of light leave their world. He asked me which way I wanted to take to return to land. I checked our options; we could return the way we came, back up the manmade steps that was still well lit by the waning sun, or we could cross the harbor by way of those large rocks, like the ones we had been sitting on. Definitely rocks.
He went ahead of me and lithely jumped from boulder to boulder, calling to me to be careful, it would be very dangerous to fall. I wasn’t thinking about the danger at all, I was imagining how he probably was as a kid, cautious but willing to risk. Then I came to the first jump I would need to make to cross and I froze. I could not will myself to move. I heard the water hitting those big rocks just below me and my depth perception has always been a little off, so I felt certain I was going to fall. I couldn’t even turn back and go the safe way because I was halfway across by the time I realized just how dangerous it was.
I called out to my guy who quickly double-backed and was amused by my fear. Then he saw that I was truly afraid. He did exactly what he always does, held out his hand and helped me maneuver each step I needed to take, encouraging me as I moved forward with him. My brain knew that If I fell with him holding onto me I would probably be in more trouble than if I was on my own, because he would yank my arm tightly and break a bone or two, but reason was not working at the moment. I had to have the comfort of his presence in order to keep going.
My spiritual life has often been like crossing those rocks. I know we are on the adventure together, but often choose the harder path for no good reason and try to go it alone. I find myself scared and confused and call out to God, who is so willing to come alongside, His presence instantly making me feel safer and more capable. I don’t know if it’s pride or stubbornness that gets me into trouble, maybe both, but I am so grateful to have a God and a guy who are both willing to rescue me over and over.
Leave a Reply