There was a time in my marriage when I expected my husband to read my mind. We were one flesh, right? So he must know how I feel without me needing to explain and of course he knows what I want based on my subtle hints and clues….ha! Over and over again I would get mad/frustrated/resentful because he didn’t respond the way I wanted; the right gift in the wrong color, trying to fix my problem when I just wanted him to listen, misreading my need for a hug with a desire for more.
I decided to try something truly innovative – I communicated what I wanted. I had my eye on a baker’s rack in a catalog, and an open wall in the kitchen where I wanted it to go. We couldn’t afford the piece immediately, so a few weeks before Christmas I tore out the picture, circled the color I wanted and taped it to the wall where I envisioned it sitting. You know what happened? I got exactly what I wanted!
My husband loves to give me what I want, these days I have to be careful with my words because if I like something he will try his best to get it for me. I’m not sure why I thought he should ‘just know’ what I needed, like that was the sign of a good marriage. I owe it to my guy to be honest with him when something is bothering me, instead of playing a game and then resenting him for not following my rules.
After many years our communication has improved, and our marriage has too. Maybe we’re on to something…
“…misreading my need for a hug with a desire for more.”
This is certainly a two way street too, especially when it comes to affection. I think most men are not enough in touch with their sensual side to realize sometimes they too just want a loving touch.
I have often wondered if a man were feeling he was getting an adequate amount of sexual interaction, i.e. feeling satiated, would then touching his wife not create such a strong want for immediate sex and the touch would stay sensual or comforting and not sexual?
Christmas comes with parties and meals and all kinds of candies, pastries and snacks that we don’t often have and we tend to over-eat initially. As those items become a more regular part of our days for weeks on end, we tend to slow down on our consumption. We eat them less, eat less of them when we do, and on some occasions, pass on eating them at all. We become satiated with them. Then when we do desire them, we seek out our favorites and eat only the best of them. We want our mother’s roast or turkey and dressing, our grandmother’s fudge, pies, cakes and cookies, our aunt’s homemade yeast rolls and the neighbors wassail. We enjoy them with greater appreciation and, knowing they are available for a while, tend not to gorge on them.
I wonder if the same could happen with sex? I think so.