For a long time, I thought that sex was a cat and mouse game played by husband and wife. I’m not sure where I got this idea, but it seemed to me that it was the man’s job to chase the woman around the kitchen, flirting and persisting, until the woman became worn down enough to give him what he wanted. Seriously.
During the first few years of marriage, I was always suspicious about my guy’s motives; I knew he was willing to help with cleaning the house because he wanted one thing and I didn’t want him to think that he had outsmarted me, or had gotten away with something. Now I think back to that time and respond with: so what? Is that a bad thing, that he wanted you so much that he was willing to do whatever it took to get you?
Women, we seem to think that his desire is our burden. We often view sex as an obligation, when it could be seen as an invitation. Men need sex in order to feel loved. What if your guy was simply trying to show you he loves you the best way he knows how? Instead of trying to teach him to view sex the way you do (needing love in order to desire sex), why not allow him to show you just how much he loves you?
Drop the suspicions, the accusations and shaming. Assume that what he really wants is you. It really could be that simple, if we will just allow it.
Good advice. I think lots of women could benefit from what you have to say on this topic.
Personally I’ve always been baffled by the amount of women who don’t seem to enjoy sex. I feel like men and women are defined by these sterotypes (men always want sex and women just don’t or do it because of an obligation as you said). We get so caught up in these stereotypes that we can’t just communicate and find out how to make it enjoyable for both parties.
I agree. A friend and I led a Summer Sex Questions group using the book Intimate Issues by Dillow & Pintus. What a great book, and wonderful springboard into topics that are often not ‘safe’ to discuss in Christian circles! It really showed me that other women feel similarly, but often think they are alone. Thank you so much for reading, and for your comments.